List of Work
No Soy de Aquí, Ni Soy de Allá
No Soy de Aquí, Ni Soy de Allá, it is based off a saying in Spanish that translates to I am not from here, I am not from there. It’s a question that is asked by immigrants and first-generation kids. It signifies a feeling of being caught in between two worlds and struggling between the two and feeling like a stranger with the added complexity of emotions of being too much and not enough. So, the question is if you don’t belong here nor there, where do you go? As someone that has experienced this not only as a first-generation individual, but I also even felt that early in my musical career and other creative art forms. With hearing many experiences from people of various walks of life; musicians, dancers, sculptors, first of their family to break cycles, etc. It made me curious what the answer could be for that question. I asked those same people how they would answer that question and what would provoke it. I was given incredible answers and conversations of how we all at some point felt we never truly belonged but now in a space and in a community where just being ourselves is more than enough and that we don’t have to try to do anything other than that. We have evolved into something better and outgrown the negative presence in our life and replaced it with a community that has the same sentiments as you to create, a strong support system while going back to the purity of what made us so passionate in the freedom of our craft. With that community along with yourself, you are happy with being imperfect and that there is beauty, joy, peace and strength. This piece ended up cultivating an answer for that question, If I am not from here, nor there, then where do we go? It is all in Spanish as that is part of me but also a language that is filled with passion, honesty, vibrancy, community, and strength.
Waves
The he brain is capable of tremendous and miraculous change. It determines our emotional states, our perception, and our reactions to the world around us, physically and emotionally. So, what would it look like to incorporate electroencephalogram (EEG), a test that detects abnormalities in your brain waves and uses it to create something influenced by it. Using the function of each brainwave and having each one being highlighted, along with a mental disorder/emotion to show how it affects each wave and the abnormalities it can show by my creative and scientific interpretation. Also having Infra-Low brainwaves that are present in the background, which are hard to detect, but take a major role in brain timing and network functioning playing. Combining both science and creative perspective, I hope to showcase an in-depth layer of the brain and the various emotions that we go through and witness in the daily.
Gamma (Learning Process/ Insight and Schizophrenia) o These waves are generated when the brain is learning and processing new information, sharply concentrating, or storing memories. They are highly active when in states of universal love, altruism and the “higher virtues.” Your brain is very actively engaged in solving a problem and this is when your brain is likely producing gamma waves. Schizophrenia reduces the ability to generate gamma waves in response to sensory stimuli, indicating a problem with generating synchronized activity when needed. There is some research that indicates that schizophrenia is associated with abnormal increases in spontaneous (resting-state) gamma power, which can negatively correlate with cognitive performance, such as verbal learning. It also causes phase lock gamma oscillations is lowered in schizophrenia patients, meaning their brain activity is less synchronized.
Beta (Concentration/Engagement and Anxiety) o These waves are present when we are attentive, alert, engaged in problem solving judgment, decision making, or focused mental activity. Beta waves are characteristics of a strongly engaged mind. A person in an active conversation or making a speech, teacher, talk show host would be in beta, when engaged in their work. It is also present in waking state of consciousness when attention is directed towards cognitive tasks and the outside world. With anxiety, it often leads to excess of high beta activity which causes racing thoughts, agitation, relentlessness and inability to calm down and create overstimulation and agitation.
Alpha (Bridging the Conscious to the Subconscious and Brain Trauma/ Concussion) o Alpha is the resting state of the brain. It is “the power of now,” being here, in the present. Alpha waves aid overall mental coordination, calmness, alertness, mind/body integration and learning. It is linked to extroversion (introverts show less), creativity (creative subjects show alpha when listening and coming to a solution for creative problems), and mental work. Brain trauma and concussions disrupt normal brainwaves. It is a bridge to the conscious and subconscious. With the disruption it decreases alpha waves. It creates difficulty with attention, memory, processing speed, reflexes, balance and difficulty with muscle functioning.
Theta (Meditative/ Reflective and Depression) o It is typically a very positive mental state. It is often in sleep but are also dominant in deep meditation. A person who has taken time off from a task and begins to daydream is often in a theta brainwave state. The ideation that can take place during the theta state is often free flow and occurs without censorship or guilt. It is also our gateway to learning, memory, and intuition. Our senses are withdrawn from external world and focused on signals originating from within. Theta waves are strong during internal focus, meditation, prayer, and spiritual awareness. Depression reduces theta brain wave activity in certain regions in the brain like the frontal lobes where it creates a balance between the left and right hemisphere which leads to negative emotions, deficit in working memory and other cognitive functions. This all causes hippocampal function impairment as well as leading to emotional instability and weaken ability to regulate emotional responses.
Delta (Healing: Mind, Body, Soul) o This is present in deep sleep. In this state, it enables physical healing and cell repair while also supporting immune system function and consolidating memory. During that time it also aids in clearing metabolic waste and toxic byproducts from the brain. That is why deep restorative sleep is so essential to the healing process. The adequate production of delta helps us feel more rejuvenated (mind and body), promotes the immune system, and natural sleep in addition to restorative/deep sleep. It decreases awareness of the physical world and are generated in deepest meditation and dreamless sleep. Delta waves suspend external awareness and are the source of empathy. When we are in delta wave stage sleep, we release anti-aging hormones such as DHEA and melatonin while reducing stress hormones like cortisol, so basically helps to be stress free and stay youthful.
Into the Black Hole
Into the Black Hole was inspired by a recording of the inside of a black hole that sounded like a heartbeat that was published a couple of years ago. As someone that is fascinated by and studied astrophysics, I wanted to incorporate actual astrophysics into the piece by incorporating it into a handful of elements, like tempo, pitch, etc. Of course, blackholes are created by a death of a star and that it takes in and breaks matter the more it goes into each layer and reaches to the point of no return. We all take in a lot as musicians, artist and creatives in that journey to be “perfect.” We take in a lot, good and bad, but sometimes we take in too much of the bad and focus in on the negative and the result of being “perfect.” Sometimes it affects us in several ways like imposter syndrome shame, burnout, mental illness, stress, etc. but we try to push through and even to where we treat ourselves as a machine rather than people to be perfect and successful. Unfortunately, perfect can be too much and that all the negative and expectations of others become our own voice where you do lose yourself not only in that area but start criticizing yourself as a person along with the people that feed into it and the crash is a lot harder in your mind, body, and heart. The piece does end with replicating somewhat the recording of what was inside a black hole that was discovered a couple years prior where the sound is like a heartbeat. When they converted the radio waves. With the brightest star they do end up dying and breaking down, but it is a reminder that behind all that success and the breakdown there is a person that matters. The light that shines so brightly at the end can mean the start of something honest and authentic. This is a hand drawn score, to emphasize the beginning of our spark. In my case it was sidewalk chalk and friends recreating music from Bugs Bunny in our parking lot south central Los Angeles with anything we can get our hands on. My goal for this composition was to make it accessible for anyone regardless of their background and for the performer to use their own creativity and showcase their imagination.